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Why Are Large Language Models So Terrible at Video Games?

By Tony Hicks
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I tried to beat a video game with a large language model once. Not metaphorically. Not in some abstract “AI plays chess” sense. I mean I sat there, controller in hand, screen glowing, and fed instructions into a system that supposedly understands language, logic, strategy, and—depending on who you ask—the trajectory of civilization itself. It could explain the entire plot of the game in flawless prose. It could outline optimal strategies like a smug prima donna of Wikipedia entries. It could even tell me which boss I’d struggle with and why. And then, when it came time to actually play ? It moved like a drunk ghost trapped in a Roomba. That was the moment it hit me: large language models—these towering monuments of modern computation—are spectacularly bad at video games. Not just a little clumsy. Not “learning curve” bad. I’m talking walk-into-a-wall-for-thirty-seconds-while-explaining-the-wall’s-historical-significance bad. So naturally, I had to ask the question: why? The Ill...
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“The Alarm Bells Are Going Off”: Air Travel Hits New Lows

By Tony Hicks
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(A first-person account from seat 32B, somewhere between despair and recycled air) I knew things had gone off the rails when the gate agent said, with a straight face, “We are currently looking for two volunteers to give up their seats on this completely full flight,” and then immediately followed it with, “We are offering a $50 voucher.” Fifty dollars. Not even enough to buy a sandwich in the airport we were trapped in. That’s when I realized something fundamental: air travel hasn’t just declined—it has quietly, methodically, and almost impressively collapsed into a parody of itself. And we’re all still clapping when the plane lands, like survivors of a mildly traumatic group experience. Let me walk you through the modern miracle of flying—because calling it “travel” at this point feels like calling a root canal a spa day. The Illusion of Convenience Air travel markets itself as efficiency. Speed. Seamless connectivity. A triumph of human engineering. In reality, it’s a mult...
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FanDuel’s Television Phase-Out Shocks Racing Industry: Or, How to Turn a Horse Into an App Icon

By Tony Hicks
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There was a time—not long ago, but spiritually somewhere between VHS tapes and dial-up internet—when horse racing lived in a very specific ecosystem. You didn’t scroll it. You didn’t swipe it. You sat down, turned on a television, and let a dedicated network spoon-feed you the thunder of hooves, the drama of jockey silks, and the quiet existential dread of betting your rent money on a horse named Tax Evasion II . That ecosystem just got quietly escorted out back. Because in 2026, FanDuel —the same company that turned sports into a dopamine-fueled casino disguised as a hobby—has decided that television is no longer part of the plan. And not in a gentle, “we’re exploring options” kind of way. No. This is a full-on, slow-motion euthanasia of FanDuel TV . And if you listen closely, you can hear the racing industry whispering the same thing your grandparents said when Netflix arrived: “Wait… how do people watch this now?” The Slow Death of a Channel That Refused to Scroll Let’s get...
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EU Pursues ‘Digital Divorce’ from U.S. Technology Over Security Risks: A Love Story That Was Always a Little Too Convenient

By Tony Hicks
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There’s something almost poetic about the European Union deciding it’s time to “digitally separate” from American technology. Not poetic in the romantic sense—more like the kind of poetry you scribble in a notebook at 2 a.m. after realizing your partner has been reading your messages, tracking your location, and monetizing your emotional instability. The EU isn’t exactly packing its bags overnight, but the tone has shifted. What used to be a mildly passive-aggressive relationship—think regulatory side-eye and the occasional billion-euro fine—has evolved into something more serious. Something with paperwork. Something with phrases like “strategic autonomy” and “data sovereignty.” Translation: Europe is starting to think maybe, just maybe, letting a handful of Silicon Valley giants handle the continent’s data, infrastructure, communications, and digital economy wasn’t the most future-proof decision. And honestly? It’s about time. The Relationship Timeline: From Infatuation to Exist...
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“Buy” Ratings, Baseball Bats, and Blind Optimism: My Love-Hate Relationship with Academy Sports and Outdoors

By Tony Hicks
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There’s something deeply comforting about a “Buy” rating. It’s the financial equivalent of a doctor patting you on the back and saying, “Yeah, it’s probably nothing.” Not a guarantee, not a cure—just enough reassurance to keep you from spiraling into existential dread about your portfolio. So when Jefferies stepped up in March 2026 and reaffirmed its “Buy” on Academy Sports and Outdoors (ASO), I felt that familiar mix of intrigue and skepticism. Not because I don’t respect analysts—far from it—but because I’ve been around long enough to know that “Buy” can mean anything from “this is a screaming bargain” to “please don’t notice the cracks until we’re out.” And yet, here we are. ASO. Sporting goods. Fishing rods. Discount athleisure. A company that thrives somewhere between suburban boredom and aspirational fitness. And apparently, still a “Buy.” Let’s talk about that. The Retail Illusion: Selling Dreams at 30% Off I’ve always found sporting goods stores fascinating—not because I...
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OpenAI Tried to Reinvent Shopping. Then Reality Hit “Add to Cart.”

By Tony Hicks
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There’s something almost poetic about a company that can simulate human reasoning, generate Shakespearean sonnets on command, and debate philosophy at 3 a.m.—yet still manages to trip over the same digital banana peel that’s been lying in the e-commerce aisle since 1999. Welcome to the saga of OpenAI ’s shopping ambitions—a tale that begins with bold promises, detours through the swamp of “Instant Checkout,” and now re-emerges wearing a more humble, slightly scuffed, but arguably smarter pair of shoes. Because if there’s one thing the internet has taught us, it’s this: selling stuff online is easy… until you try to actually sell stuff online. The Dream: AI as Your Personal Shopper (and Possibly Therapist) At first glance, the idea made perfect sense. You’ve got ChatGPT—an AI that already knows how to: Explain quantum physics like a friendly barista Write your resignation letter with suspicious enthusiasm Recommend vacation spots you’ll never actually book So naturally, t...
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