Welcome to the Sports and Outdoors Gift Guide for 2024, where we sort the wheat from the chaff, the winners from the wildly unnecessary, and the gifts your friends and family will actually use from the ones destined to rot in a gear closet. This year’s list promises everything from "game-changing" gadgets to what can only be described as yuppie camping essentials. Let’s dive in, shall we?
1. Dometic GO Compact Camp Chair - $149.99
Oh, joy, a chair! But not just any chair — this is the Dometic GO Compact Camp Chair. What sets it apart, you ask? Why, it’s the “heavy-duty 600D fabric” and “lightweight aluminum” that make it worth dropping $150. Because when you’re roughing it, you need armrests made of beechwood — you know, for that authentic lumberjack chic. Don’t forget, it folds! Groundbreaking stuff.
2. Something Silver Mountain Pendant - $38
Is your favorite hiker tired of actual mountains? Then let them wear one around their neck instead! The “detailed mountain scene” on this sterling silver pendant is a thoughtful way to say, “I think you like hiking or something, but I’m not really sure.” Bonus points for the price — this is one of the few items here that won’t make your credit card cry.
3. Proto101 Classic Hoodie - $89
Ah, the hoodie. A staple of any outdoor enthusiast’s wardrobe, but elevated. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill sweatshirt — this is French Terry sustainable fabric! Because nothing says rugged like worrying about whether your hoodie matches the trees. At $89, it’s a steal for people who enjoy paying a premium for the word "sustainable."
4. Celine Waldmann Johannes Beanie - $70
It’s a hat. For $70. But don’t worry, it’s made of Italian Merino wool and is therefore totally worth it. After all, why spend $15 on a beanie at any store in existence when you can shell out nearly five times as much for something that looks exactly the same but sounds fancier?
5. Rainraps Pufferrap - $99
The Rainraps Pufferrap is a puffer coat that’s also a wrap. Yes, apparently this is a thing people asked for. Reversible, water-repellent, and able to fit in its own matching pouch, it screams “I’m prepared for anything!” while also whispering, “I have no idea what the weather will be like.” One size fits most, but probably not your dignity.
6. Portland Gear Cascade Dopp Kit - $39
For the adventurer who can’t live without 14 kinds of moisturizer in the wild, the Cascade Dopp Kit is here. With foldout pockets, it’s perfect for keeping your toiletries organized while pretending you’re not five miles from a real bathroom. A bargain at $39, if you’re into packing solutions more complex than your actual trip.
7. The Skyway Luggage Co. Rainier Compact Duffle Backpack - $69.99
Who doesn’t love a good “duffel-backpack hybrid”? It’s two bags in one, which is either genius or indecisive marketing. You can carry it upright or flat, and it’s perfect for people who want to look like they’re going on an epic trek but are really just stuffing it under an airplane seat.
8. Nike Flex Stride Double Running Belt - $45
A running belt with built-in water bottles. Perfect for the runner in your life who’s tired of holding gasp their own water. It’s “flexible” and “hydration simplified,” which is a fancy way of saying it’s a fanny pack for joggers. If they don’t love it, at least you’ll get to keep their priceless reaction to unwrapping this beauty.
9. Alpha Upper Left U.S.A. Hoodie - $64.99
The Alpha Upper Left U.S.A. Hoodie celebrates the Pacific Northwest, where people apparently need a constant reminder of their geographical superiority. At $64.99, it’s for the outdoor enthusiast who wants everyone to know they camp specifically in the PNW and nowhere else. Because heaven forbid they rough it in, say, Colorado.
10. The World’s Smallest Automatic Umbrella - $39.95
Designed in Portland (of course), this umbrella is compact enough to live in your pocket yet strong enough to withstand “gustiest winds.” If true, it’s impressive, but let’s face it — there’s something inherently comical about gifting someone the smallest anything. At least it’ll give them a laugh when it inevitably flips inside out.
11. Dometic GO Water Faucet - $99.99
Nothing says “outdoorsy” like a portable water faucet. For just $100, you can dispense water “wherever you are.” So futuristic! So necessary! Never mind the fact that your standard water jug has been doing this job for decades at a fraction of the cost. But hey, now you can pretend your campsite is a luxury kitchen.
12. Wildflowers Enamel Camping Mug - $18
Finally, a gift that won’t annihilate your budget. This $18 enamel mug is perfect for sipping coffee and gazing wistfully into the distance while pretending to enjoy the outdoors. Plus, it’s “charming” and “nostalgic,” which are just polite ways of saying “it looks like something your grandparents had in their cabin.”
13. Columbia PFG High Performance Cooler - $225
Want to keep your beer cold for six days? Of course you do. This Columbia cooler is a beast, with enough durability to withstand the apocalypse. But at $225, it better double as a survival bunker. Perfect for people who think “camping” is code for tailgating.
14. Hydroflask Remix 40-Ounce Travel Tumbler in Holiday Punch - $39.95
Because your water bottle wasn’t quite expensive enough already, Hydroflask presents the Holiday Punch edition. Yes, it’s festive. Yes, it keeps your drinks cold. No, it won’t stop people from stealing it at the gym.
15. Beyond Clothing Drilight Rain Jacket - $229.99
Here’s a Gore-Tex rain jacket that costs more than most people’s entire hiking setup. But don’t worry, it’s “breathable” and “mesh-lined,” so at least you’ll look like a mountaineer while silently cursing your bank account. Perfect for those who want to blend in with the REI catalog models.
16. The Mountaineers Gift Membership - $28.50-$112.50
This one’s actually pretty cool. A gift membership to The Mountaineers gives access to hiking, climbing, and other outdoor activities, plus the warm fuzzy feeling of supporting conservation. And at under $30 for an entry-level membership, it’s one of the rare gifts here that’s both useful and affordable. A true unicorn.
17. “Sticks, Stones & Pinecones: Games to Play in Nature” - $16.95
For anyone with kids (or adults who act like kids), this book offers 37 screen-free games that require nothing but stuff you find outside. At $16.95, it’s cheaper than therapy and much more entertaining than another evening of “find the Wi-Fi signal.”
Final Thoughts
2024’s Sports and Outdoors Gift Guide has something for everyone — whether you’re shopping for a luxury-loving camper, a gear-obsessed hiker, or just someone who needs a really overpriced hoodie. While some of these items will make you question humanity’s priorities, others might just win you the title of “best gift-giver” at the next holiday gathering.
Choose wisely. Or don’t — they’ll probably return it anyway.
