Ah, 2025, the year Hollywood decided to empty the nostalgia tank, pump up the sequel machine, and say, “Screw it, let’s put dinosaurs and vampires in the same year and see what happens.” From another Jurassic World entry to Timothée Chalamet playing a ping-pong champ (a real Oscar-bait move, clearly), the silver screen is about to take us on a ride so wild, even a CGI velociraptor would need to buckle up.
So, grab your overpriced popcorn and sit tight as we break down the most anticipated (and eyebrow-raising) movies of 2025. Warning: snark levels are at maximum.
January: Wallace, Gromit, and CIA Hijinks
We kick off the year with Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl (Jan. 3). Yes, the cheese-loving inventor and his ever-patient dog are back, battling rogue “smart” gnomes. Because apparently, in 2025, not even British claymation is safe from an AI takeover narrative.
Meanwhile, Cameron Diaz’s return to acting in Back in Action (Jan. 17) sees her as a former CIA spy. Fun fact: The title doubles as her career announcement. Jamie Foxx is along for the ride, probably regretting all his life choices since Baby Driver.
February: Paddington Bears It All
If there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that Paddington is the hero we don’t deserve. Paddington in Peru (Feb. 14) brings the marmalade-loving bear back to his roots. This time, he’s returning to his homeland, and let’s hope it’s not for some tragic Aunt Lucy funeral subplot. We need wholesome, not heartbreaking.
Oh, and let’s not forget Captain America: Brave New World (Feb. 14). Anthony Mackie finally gets his own Cap movie, joined by Harrison Ford as Red Hulk. At 81, Ford is playing a raging green giant. A Marvel metaphor for aging gracefully? Maybe.
March: Vampires, Ghosts, and Gal Gadot’s Eyebrows
The Electric State (March 14) brings Millie Bobby Brown and Chris Pratt together in a Russo Brothers sci-fi flick. Expect robots, familial tears, and a plot so convoluted, you’ll need a PowerPoint to follow it.
Meanwhile, Disney’s Snow White (March 21) drops with Rachel Zegler in the titular role and Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen. Gadot’s villainy might hinge entirely on her bone structure, but hey, who are we to argue with cheekbones that sharp?
June: Dinosaurs, Dragons, and Doll Murderers
Here’s where 2025 starts getting feral. Jurassic World Rebirth (July 2) picks up in a world where dinosaurs are chilling near the equator because—wait for it—the rest of the planet is inhospitable. Never mind that the real survival issue here is Scarlett Johansson’s character trying to keep a straight face in this mess.
Not enough prehistoric chaos? The live-action How to Train Your Dragon (June 13) hopes to recapture the magic of its animated predecessor. Spoiler alert: Toothless in CGI might just be terrifying enough to haunt your dreams.
Oh, and because Hollywood couldn’t resist the meme power, M3GAN 2.0 (June 27) is coming back to haunt us all. The homicidal AI doll returns, likely with Bluetooth connectivity and a TikTok account.
July: Superheroes, Magicians, and Ping-Pong Champions
The Fantastic Four: First Steps reboot (July 25) is Marvel’s latest attempt to make us care about this cursed franchise. With Pedro Pascal as Mr. Fantastic and Vanessa Kirby as Invisible Woman, we’re cautiously optimistic. At least until the third-act CGI monstrosity inevitably ruins it.
On the WTF spectrum, we have Marty Supreme (Dec. 25). Timothée Chalamet stars as a 1950s ping-pong champ in what sounds like a parody, but no, this is real. If Chalamet doesn’t method-act his way into table-tennis greatness, we riot.
August: Body Swaps and Bob Odenkirk’s Existential Crisis
If you’ve been clamoring for a Freaky Friday sequel, congratulations, you’ve manifested Freakier Friday (Aug. 8). Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis return, with Lohan now a mom herself. Expect hijinks, heartfelt moments, and some obligatory TikTok jokes.
Meanwhile, Bob Odenkirk is back as a retired assassin in Nobody 2 (Aug. 15). Can we all agree that Odenkirk deserves an Oscar for making us believe a man his age could take down an army with a ballpoint pen?
November: The Return of Chaos and Christmas Blockbusters
Come November, the cinematic universe truly loses its mind. Predator: Badlands (Nov. 7) moves the iconic alien hunter to a futuristic dystopia. Elle Fanning stars, and if we don’t get at least one shot of her screaming while covered in mud, is it even a Predator movie?
Oh, and Wicked: For Good (Nov. 21) wraps up its musical saga. With Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande’s characters now on opposite sides, expect soaring vocals, magical melodrama, and maybe Jeff Goldblum having the time of his life as the Wizard.
December: Avatar, Ping-Pong, and Sydney Sweeney’s Housemaid Shenanigans
James Cameron returns to Pandora with Avatar: Fire and Ash (Dec. 19). The plot? Probably blue people riding glowing animals while learning Important Lessons About Humanity. But let’s face it—Cameron could film 3 hours of Na’vi brushing their hair, and it’d still make $2 billion.
Then there’s The Housemaid (Dec. 25), where Sydney Sweeney stars in a psychological thriller about secrets, lies, and rich people being awful. Basically, it’s every other Blumhouse movie but with Sweeney’s face on the poster.
The Oddballs: Zombies, Unicorns, and Frankenstein
Danny Boyle’s 28 Years Later (June 20) is a zombie thriller that revisits its apocalyptic roots. It stars Cillian Murphy, who’s probably contractually obligated to look sweaty and disheveled for 90% of the runtime.
And Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein (TBD) rounds out the year with Oscar Isaac and Mia Goth. If anyone can make Mary Shelley’s Gothic nightmare fresh again, it’s del Toro. Bonus points if Jacob Elordi’s monster is both terrifying and weirdly hot.
Final Thoughts: 2025 Is Hollywood’s Fever Dream
From werewolves and vampires to ping-pong and Paddington, 2025 is shaping up to be a cinematic free-for-all. Will it be glorious? Yes. Will it be ridiculous? Absolutely. Should we, as a society, reconsider how many sequels and remakes we actually need? Probably. But let’s be honest—we’re all going to watch anyway.