Relationships are like soufflés: they’re complicated, require just the right balance of ingredients, and can collapse spectacularly if mishandled. Sure, there’s no definitive "trick" or "secret" to making them last, but there are certainly ways to figure out if your partnership is built for the long haul—or if it’s just one awkward anniversary dinner away from imploding.
Below are three deceptively simple questions that can allegedly determine if your love story is heading toward “happily ever after” or “awkwardly dividing the Spotify playlists.” Let’s dive in, shall we?
1. If You Weren’t Together, Could You Still Be Friends?
Ah, the age-old query: would your partner still tolerate you if there wasn’t the promise of other benefits? This question isn’t just a cutesy thought experiment; it cuts to the heart of what relationships are—glorified friendships with kissing (and sometimes arguing about who left the milk out).
Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships backs this up, noting that couples who genuinely value their friendship tend to be happier, more committed, and better in bed. So, if you and your partner wouldn’t even survive as coworkers in a hypothetical shared office space, it might be time to reassess.
But let’s be real: not every relationship starts with “we were besties who fell in love.” Sometimes, you’re just two people who swiped right on a dating app while bored in line at Target. That’s fine! The bigger question is whether your bond now resembles a strong friendship or just a transactional roommate situation where one of you keeps eating the last slice of pizza. (Hint: If you can’t answer this question without mentally tallying your sacrifices, it’s a red flag, my friend.)
2. Do You Like Yourself When You’re Around Them?
Here’s a fun one: does your partner make you feel like a rock star or a middle schooler who just tripped in the cafeteria? Healthy relationships should bring out the best in us—or at least keep us from spiraling into existential despair every other Tuesday.
Psychologists call this the Michelangelo phenomenon, where partners sculpt each other into better, more polished versions of themselves. And no, this doesn’t mean they should be “fixing” you like a failed DIY project. It’s about mutual support, not emotionally weaponized home improvement.
If, instead, you find yourself dreading their company because they criticize your career choices or your admittedly questionable taste in reality TV, that’s a problem. (Pro tip: If they can’t appreciate the brilliance of The Great British Bake Off, they don’t deserve you.)
But let’s not ignore the flipside of this question: do you even like the version of yourself that they get to see? If you’re constantly walking on eggshells or morphing into someone unrecognizable to keep them happy, the issue isn’t just them—it’s the dynamic you’ve allowed to fester. Gross, right?
3. If Your Partner Never Changed, Would You Still Want to Be With Them?
Oh, the audacity of this question. It assumes you’re perfectly fine with every single one of your partner’s quirks, from their inability to load a dishwasher properly to their questionable choice in socks. But here’s the kicker: you should be.
Perfection isn’t real (except maybe Beyoncé), and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can stop fantasizing about a relationship where your partner magically morphs into a curated Pinterest board of human behavior. Healthy love means accepting someone’s flaws without letting them overshadow their good qualities.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should tolerate everything. If they’re perpetually selfish, cruel, or refuse to stop playing Nickelback on road trips, you have every right to demand change—or reconsider your life choices. But for the more mundane annoyances? Acceptance is key. The alternative is a lifetime of passive-aggressively sighing every time they forget to take the trash out. Nobody wants that.
Why These Questions Matter (And Why They’re Kind of Annoying)
At first glance, these questions seem straightforward—until you actually try to answer them honestly. They force you to dig into the uncomfortable corners of your relationship, where you might find some truths you’ve been avoiding. Fun!
But here’s the thing: relationships aren’t a pass/fail exam. Answering “no” to one (or even all) of these questions doesn’t automatically doom your partnership. It just highlights areas for growth—or, in some cases, escape routes. And that’s okay! Love isn’t about being perfect; it’s about finding someone whose imperfections you can live with—and who doesn’t mind yours, either.
So, take a deep breath, pour yourself a glass of wine, and think about your answers. If they’re mostly positive, congrats—you’re probably doing just fine. If not, well… there’s always therapy. Or cats. Lots of cats.
Final Thoughts: Don’t Overthink It (Too Much)
Relationships are messy, beautiful, frustrating, and occasionally involve arguments over IKEA furniture. These questions aren’t meant to be a definitive litmus test—they’re more like a starting point for self-reflection and meaningful conversations with your partner. Just don’t turn it into a pop quiz; nobody likes being ambushed with “Would you still love me if I turned into a worm?” while brushing their teeth.
At the end of the day, the only people who can decide if your relationship will last are you and your partner. Well, you two and maybe your mom, your therapist, and that one nosy friend who always “just wants what’s best for you.” Good luck.