Ah, religion and perfectionism—a match made in...heaven? Or is it the fiery depths of unrealistic self-loathing? Let’s find out. Spoiler alert: Contrary to popular belief and the occasional passive-aggressive podcast, research shows that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), aka Mormons, are less prone to toxic perfectionism than their secular or even agnostic/atheist peers. Who knew the faith branded with the “be ye therefore perfect” tagline would turn out to be less obsessed with unhealthy striving?
Grab your scriptures and a heavy dose of sarcasm—this is going to be fun.
The Gospel According to BYU: “We’re Totally Not That Perfectionistic, Promise”
Picture it: a university therapist casually blames “the gospel” for BYU students’ alleged perfectionism problem. Not shocking, right? We’ve all heard the trope: Mormon kids are basically Type A on steroids, fretting over their GPA, their eternal salvation, and whether their Instagram aesthetic screams eternal family vibes.
But here’s the kicker: these sweeping assumptions were being made without—wait for it—actual data. Because who needs data when you’ve got vibes, anecdotes, and a podcaster with an axe to grind? Enter Justin Dyer and Michael Goodman, armed with a six-year study and the unshakable determination to crash the pity party with hard facts.
Surprise! The Data Doesn’t Match the Drama
Dyer and Goodman’s research flipped the narrative. Their study revealed that LDS youth are less likely to experience unhealthy perfectionism than their secular counterparts. Cue the collective gasp. Who could’ve predicted that a belief system built on the idea of infinite do-overs (repentance, anyone?) might actually foster a healthier mindset than, say, the soul-crushing nihilism of existential uncertainty?
Their findings didn’t stop there. People with high religious salience—those who see religion as central to their identity—were twice as likely to avoid toxic perfectionism. That’s right, it turns out that sincerely caring about something bigger than your SAT score might actually chill you out. Groundbreaking.
But Not All Perfectionism is Created Equal
Here’s where things get nuanced. Striving for excellence? Great. Toxic perfectionism? Not so much. According to Dyer, Goodman, and a chorus of experts, it’s not about whether you set high goals—it’s about how you react when you inevitably don’t reach them.
Consider this: perfectionism can be the difference between “I didn’t make the team, so I’ll practice harder” and “I didn’t make the team, so I’m a worthless human being who deserves eternal exile from the celestial kingdom.” One is motivating; the other is...concerning.
The Parent Trap: Where Perfectionism is Born
Want to know who’s really to blame for toxic perfectionism? (Hint: It’s not Jesus.) It’s parents. Yep, research suggests that families who wield shame and love withdrawal like a spiritual cattle prod are breeding grounds for perfectionistic tendencies. Shocking, I know. Meanwhile, flexible, loving families that separate worth from achievement? They tend to raise kids who can fail without spiraling into an existential crisis.
So, next time a Mormon teen breaks down over an A-minus, maybe skip the “gospel guilt” narrative and look at their home life. Just saying.
Toxic Perfectionism: A Gateway to Sadness, Anxiety, and Leaving the Church
Let’s talk about the real problem with toxic perfectionism: it doesn’t just make you miserable; it makes you less likely to stick around in your faith. The study found that 22% of high-perfectionism youth left their religion within four years. Turns out, constantly feeling like you’re not good enough for God, your bishop, or your Relief Society president is a fast track to saying, “You know what? I’m out.”
Worse, perfectionism skews your view of God. Instead of seeing Him as a warm, loving presence, perfectionists tend to see Him as a cosmic taskmaster, eternally wagging His finger at their flaws. It’s not hard to see how that might make someone less inclined to, say, pray or attend church regularly.
The Savior’s Message: Chill Out, Perfectionists
Contrary to what some might think, the gospel of Jesus Christ isn’t a self-help book for overachievers. It’s about grace, forgiveness, and the radical notion that God’s love doesn’t hinge on whether you aced your seminary scripture mastery quiz.
Take it from Russell M. Nelson, who literally told people to stop demanding perfection in this life. “Be patient with yourself,” he said. “Perfection comes not in this life but in the next life.” Translation: Relax, Karen. Your Pinterest-worthy ministering project won’t get you an express ticket to heaven.
Healing Perfectionism: It’s All in Your Head (Sort Of)
If you’re a perfectionist, chances are you’re engaging in some classic cognitive distortions: catastrophizing, overgeneralizing, or applying double standards. The good news? These thought patterns can be unlearned. The even better news? God isn’t sitting in heaven keeping a tally of how many times you skipped scripture study this month. Shocking, I know.
As Adam Miller puts it, “Love is a law, not a reward.” God doesn’t love you because you’re perfect; He loves you because He’s God, and that’s what He does. If that doesn’t take the edge off your next gospel doctrine lesson, I don’t know what will.
The Takeaway: Religion Isn’t the Enemy
Let’s clear this up once and for all: religion—at least when approached healthily—doesn’t breed perfectionism. If anything, it offers an antidote. The real culprits are shame, fear, and a culture that confuses worth with achievement.
So, the next time someone claims that Mormonism (or any religion, really) is a perfectionism factory, feel free to drop some data on them. Or better yet, ask them why they’re so obsessed with trashing other people’s beliefs. Toxic perfectionism might not be exclusive to religious folks, but sanctimonious generalizations? Now there’s a secular epidemic worth addressing.
And with that, I’ll step down from my soapbox. Go forth and be imperfect—you’ll be fine.