Apparently, Even the Universe Thinks I Need Better Marketing
November 7, 2026 — A Cancer Horoscope, the Exhausting Business of Selling Yourself, and Why I Refuse to Become a Walking Advertisement I woke up expecting the usual assortment of cosmic nonsense. Maybe Mercury would be responsible for my inability to find matching socks. Perhaps Venus would encourage me to open my heart, which is astrology's polite way of telling me to lower my standards. Or maybe Saturn would advise patience, something I generally interpret as the universe asking me to tolerate another twenty-four hours of people who should have come with instruction manuals. Instead, I encountered a horoscope telling Cancer to do some self-marketing. Wonderful. Apparently, the planets have reviewed my performance, found my personal brand lacking, and decided I need to improve my visibility. I wasn't aware that the universe had hired a marketing consultant. I certainly don't remember approving the expense. But here we are, living in an age when even a collection of celesti...
